Pot Pie

My grandniece,"lil' J" and her neighbor friend, Heather.

Traveling to Orlando on Thursday morning, was amazing how many families were still on the road. As we quickly drove past each car or van, you can see mothers or grandmothers trying to find a way to entertain the children either by feeding them or reading to them. These were families on their way to either celebrate the holiday with family or taking a nice small vacation.

Once we got to our desitination, we participated by helping out with the cooking. My sister was working on the turkey at the same time making the stuffing. It smelt so good, the onions, the mushrooms, the celery, the greenbeans and smelling the turkey baking made us all the more hungrier.

My sister had invited some of her friends over, the nighbor with his two daughters (his wife had left him), another male friend of theirs (whose car still sits in the garage with most of its parts missing) and a family from up the road. Their brough several apple and pumpkin pies (she claimed she baked them when she doesnt know how to cook). But then there was my nephew who was to lazy to help and spent most of his time complaining that the food was not on the table yet. Yet he was not doing anything to expedite it.

Once the food was laid out, I made sure I took some pictures ... families gathered around the buffet table and began to pile up their plates with turkey, yams, greenbeen casserole, stuffing (sorted ones), cranberry sauce, mash potatoes, salad and roles. We ate outside on the picnic table -enjoying the cool sunny weather. Later we enjoyed the deliciuos pumpkin and apple pie with cool whip.

Thanksgiving is suppose to be a day of thanksgiving- a day of fest with family and friends- a day to be thankful for the blessings God has given us. God created each of us differently and unique and for special reasons. Like a pot pie, we are deliciously made to serve a good purpose in the world we live in.

Like Thanksgiving, with sorted goods of food, meats, vegetables, potatoes and even the flakey crust- we are God's pot pie. Each of us are uniquely created for a reason to serve a purpose. Whether we are singers, mothers, fathers, mssionaries, teachers, doctors, lawyers, policemen and so on, we all have unique purposes here on earth.

However how you like to make your pot pie and enjoy the frangance and tastes, know that pot pie is a real healthy meal. Which healthy vegetable are you?

Lil' J enjoying her thanksgiving meal.

Thanksgiving Feast

It's the day before Thanksgiving. The house needs to be clean-especially the kitchen (LOL) and the little Turkey roast we got needs to be defrosted. Groceries needs to be put on shelves and my temptation to the eat the pumpkin pie now needs to vanish so I have it to enjoy tommarrow.


Tim has a 8 page essay that needs to be written before the 4th and an anime presentation for his Japaneese class. So we gave up the idea of going to Orlando so that these things can (and WILL!!) get done. So this Thanksgiving, we are spending alone.Tim is still not able to eat solid foods since his hospitalization in September, so he is schedule to see the Gastro next week to see why. He still is having difficulty swallowing as lately I too been having that issue. He can eat soft foods like Mash potatoes or sweet potatoes. So I am making him candy yams for tommarrow and see if maybe he can try the roast turkey. We are going to give it an attempt. He does not like Pumpkin pie at all, or any pie for that matter. Please don't ask me why. He is strange in his own way. Funny...I guess that is how some men are. Even his dad is like this. He is truely a Lopez. Its like...how can you not like Pie? Right?! Only Tim...you gotta love him.


The Florida weather has been playing the Roller Coaster game. I like to blame all the northners or /and Canadians who bring it down and cool off our nice warm weather. Please leave it up there. Florida is our warm state, we like to keep it that way. If we want the cold and snow, we know where to go to get it...lol. I like to still run around bare foot and wear shorts, but its sort of hard to when somebodies bring all that cold weather down.The trees have not turned to those beautiful golden and auburn colors yet here, but know it will soon -at least in Northern Florida it will.


My family (the Bird part) will be scattered throughout USA. Most likely Christmas will be the same. My family apparently don't beleive in Reunions anymore- not even trying Skype. Its like they all are in their little world-all of them. We could go to Orlando and put off the essay til the weekend. But I know Tim, he will put it off till the last minute. I hate that. I'm debating whether we should go to Orlando to be with family. Maybe we should. go....or they can come here. nah that would mean i really would need to clean house....lol. (Ok, I am trying to get out of cleaning the hosue- what a lazy bum! )

I was on my way to go see CJ when I jumped into the van and all it did was "click click"...it did not start. I was like "NO!! not again?!!!" It happened just like this last March. So I'm wondering if God is trying to tell me something, right?! (LOL) After an hour and half, it was finally jumped. Come to find out, this cold weather is really draining alot of batteries. And no, I never got in to see CJ. (sigh!)


So....for me Thanksgiving is about family. Not just all that good food. I love family gathering. There is something about FAMILY. Something special. The thrill of listening to laughter. The excitement of cooking together. The joy of hearing stories. The sacredness of praying together. The santuary of feeling safe...& most of all loved.


Although I have a very dysfunctional wierd but strange family, I"m still thankful for them. And at the rate we are going, I'm afraid the next reunion won't be till we are in Heaven. It's sad and ashame....that there are not enough "Hello's" down here on earth when we do have each other, and to many "good-byes" at funerals where it ends.


Happy Thanksgiving!!.

Finding the Dream

It had been a quiet few days. I finally took the courage to use my crock pot and cooked some fresh vegies and Roast pork. It was good! But quite spicey.

Tim was not feeling well today. He had been having some shortness of breath and a bad headache. I got up this morning, took my shower and got dress getting ready to take him to his classes. But he was just so out of it. I felt bad for him but told him we can go to his later class. By noon, he was still so out of it. I had to leave the choice up to him. Not that we were going anywhere this year anyhow.

Today, I had plan to just lay back for most of the day, since he was choosing not to attend classes. Then I discovered that Baby (our cat) had got into the M&M Premium candy. OH No!!!! I quickly took it from her. She must had mistaken it as her treats. I watched for the most of the day hoping the chocalate did not affect her. She seem to be doing ok after a few hours.

While reading one of the posts in a thread at Gainesville Mom's forum, I learned one of the mom's had a fear of wolves due to a nightmare she had as a child. I could tell the dream or nightmare had a clear message in it. So I told her about. The more she told me about the nightmare, the more I clearly could see what was really going on. But I knew she had to figure it out mostly on her own.

I was reading another friends info on Facebook and found a group praying for a friend with cancer. It also led to another site. Then the news sadly read that she had died on Sunday afternoon. But as I was reading her journal, it clearly was reading that the last few weeks of Valeries life, her parents, her husband and her brother had spent time together traveling up and down the west coast. Living her dream in an RV.

Isn't it just wonderful that Valerie knew that the little time she had, she chose to spend time with her family instead of a hospital dying or feeling sorry for herself? She spent quality and precious time with them-because the memories of good times is what lasts a life time for them, even after she is gone. Now that her battle is over, her husband and parents are taken her home to her final resting place.

I wish I could do this for Timothy...take him to places he wants to visit-people to be with. Its something I think I would want to do if I knew I could.

But now part of me understands why Tim said earlier..."I want to go home."

A Cold Week

I sat down on my recliner chair to rest after a long afternoon. I had opened the bottle of wine to relax on. Sipped a little and then went to lie down to rest my hips and back. I was ready to watch my movie, "Savannah Smiles" but needed to put the cold food away first.

Ok....I don't who the Canadian that brought down this cold weather, but they should had dropped off all the cold weather (and I can't emphasize enought "ALL" the cold weather) -leave it up north and leave the warm weather to us in Florida.

The last few days has been freezing cold. Thursday I had to make sure I brought Tim's Gator blanket to keep him warm. It was even cold in the classrooms. He had his X-rays done on his left shoulder on Wednesday...it came back negative. But yet he is still in so much pain.

I attended the Mom's Night Out with the Gainesville Mom's. We went to Fresco. It is a nice small Italian restaurant. The food was good. I had ordered a dish I have not had a very long time-eggplant parmesan. Today, I went to go attend our Scrapbook afternoon, but no one showed ...:( So Stacy and I discussed the cookbook we want to put together next year along with a few more Gainesville Mom's. After that session, I spent a few hours at one of my favorite places...Super-Walmart. How Suhhhhhweet! I went into purchase only a few things and came out with a cart full of food. I know it will last no more than two weeks.

Due the Economic issues within our state and country is going through, my nephew was unfortunately one of the thousands who lost his job. And of course, it will not be easy to find a new job either.

Sometime I wonder how much longer we will have to deal with all this. It's something we of course will have to deal with until someone tries to fix what Bush has done. But the good news is that the cost of gas is going down. My feeling is this...just a theory whether it be right or wrong, just know others agree with me. As the days come closer that Bush leaves the white house, the more the cost of goes down. He earned his money from all this oil and now he is leaving the presidency, the cost of gas is fallen.

I do hope those who missed out in their summer vacations or trips has a better Christmas.

I finally took a nap today. I needed one. I must had slept for a hour. Then I sat back in my big chair and watched my movie. It was the perfect family movie to watch. I needed the laugh after the tears....then I browsed through the internet before watching move television. The sun had already set...Saturday was coming to an end. One day closer to 2009.

Sunset Praise

I awoke this morning to see the sun shinning, the sky blue but the weather freezing. I am in northern Florida, in Florida. I moved to Florida to get away from the winter weather. I can't stand the cold or even snow. And now that I suffer from Arthristis- it does not help to have all this cold weather, ya know?

Once I got Tim up, dressed and we rolled out into the cold, it was like....burrrrrrr! this is just to cold for my blood. We got through the day just fine. I even ordered him some hot tea from Starbucks- passion (he didn't like it even if I loved it). The weather was indeed to cold for Tim. His small frail body just couldn't handle it. I did bundle him up, but the cold weather caused him alot more pain in his left shoulder. I didn't know what more to do for him. The herbal tea could had helped, if he had drank it.

Then we arrived at his Pysch class. It was on Gender. The subject was moving along just fine. Many of the students were participating in the topic. I raised my hand, because I caught the instructors talking about mothers choosing to work over staying at home, but then she did bring up how some mothers chose to stay home with the kids over working. She was sort of being critical about that. I kept my hand up for at least five (5) or so minutes. I waited and waited for her to call on me to my opinon...but she kept calling on others who raised their hands long after I did and then she decided to change the subject and move on. I felt that they should also be advised or informed that there are many mothers who choose to continue with their careers and still raise their children by working at home. However, she never gave me that opportunity to speak about it.

For some reason it upset me that she continue to ignor me. I stepped out side the classroom for a moment, came back in and sat there again listening to more of the lecture, and then again decided to step out. Part of me was upset due to that she ask for everyone to participate but yet she chooses to ignor some. How can she credit them for participating if she ignores them. I stood up and walked out again and as I walked out the classroom I began to hear music.

I was not sure where it was coming from, but I followed it. And then there they were. A large group of UF students standing there singing Praise music. I continue to walk closer to them, noticing that they were praying. The closer I walked to them the more I heard a guitar and voices singing quietly. Hearing them softly sing praises, I suddenly felt calm and mentally at ease. It was a just a wonderful sense - a circle of love and hope.

I slowly walked away and headed back to Tim's classroom. I felt a little better about myself. I felt God's presence for that moment. I felt a need of belonging and for that moment I belonged to a group that praised God in prayer and song.

When class was done, I was disappointed that the group was gone. When we got back to the van, I found a ticket on my van, not because we were parked in the wrong place but for an expired UF decal. $30!!! I'm going to fight it. But as we drove off, we turned on the radio, and lo & behold the Christmas carols were ringing there.

Despite the cold winter evening, I understood that despite my anger over something small and stupid, God was still there. It took a group of UF students softly singing His praise and their circle of prayer that help me to open my eyes ....& to listen to Him for that one moment.

Isnt' that fabulous!

The Chair

When you look at this chair, what do you automatically think?

If you were to sit on it right now, how would it truely make you feel?

And what does it represent to you in your life?

Of course, when we look at this chair we automatically think of a doctors stool in an exam room. Right?! So what is the signifinces of this exam chair. If you ever sat in it, you probably enjoyed swinging around, roll around, slide up and down and even maybe slouch on it. However, I have found that fun part of it is rolling around...& sliding on the floor. You know, like we did with socks.

The feeling I get when I sit on it- is some type of satisfaction of ownership. I enjoy the feeling of rolling, or swirving in circles. Feeling the little breeze and even the butterfly feeling, until I start feeling dizzy. Part of me also likes to hear it roll on the ground and the loud grounding sound if it rolls on wooden floors. It just reminds me a little bit of what happiness must be. Its just an exciting feeling.

The chair represents alot to me, mostly authority. For some reason when I sit and play on it, at the same time I have that "authority" feeling; even after a childlike play. Its like I have a sense of a very large bubble slowly flowing in the air and crown you with some kind of power. I know we laugh. It probably sounds totally stupid. But maybe at this moment you are having a "flashback" if you ever sat on that chair (or any office chair that swirlves and rolls).

In our lifetime, we have our ups and downs, our swirvling, and even our rolling when we face the tribulations and trials. Perhaps from spinning, we feel lost, confused, & out of control. Out of control...do you ever feel that your life is out of control or/and the things around you are? I know at times I do.

God is our greatest Physician and if we allow Him to sit on the exam chair and help "fix" our sorrows, our pain, the out of control feeling, the lessons from the joy sitting on His chair will give us the power to put our lives back in control . We don't have to be rolling around in anger and hate, or spin in circles with confusion, or slide up n' down in and out of love with ourselves.

That is what the chair means to me....not just an doctors exam chair.

It has power.

It has authority.

It has healing.

God's Art work

I had been browsing the web most of the day, other than trying to read a book. My eyes had become weary. While on Facebook, I read a comment a friend mentioned of the ministry work she and her husband was doing...so I thought I would call and see if I can help with something. We, of course, got to talking not only of the DVd she was working on but all the people we suddenly found on Facebook that we knew from church, academy/HS days, even college and casual friends we have met along the way. We even talked about our kids. But while talking to her she mentioned somone she knew from MM up on NH. I then knew who she was talking about and she told me that her father was dying.



I nearly stood up in shock. Why didn't I know about this? After hanging up with Lorna, I ran to my room and wept. I was so angry that I was not told and was of course afraid it might had been to late to talk to him. I needed to clear my eyes with tears so I can read phone numbers, and I was not able to reach anyone (his ex-wife or his two daughters he adopted that I knew). I was growing more and more discouraged and depressed. Finally, I just left a message on Marcia's voice mail.



The Mietlzers have been like my family to me for many years. I sort of adopted them, as they have "adopted" me. They were just wonderful and fun folks to be with. Marcia at the time was taking nursing, Niel, a well known artist from the west was working at the press/printing office. Their daughter, Charlotte had just graduated from Castle Valley and Carrie was still at Stonecave. I felt that I had a family I could accept or accept me. I knew even in my early 20's I still had a lot of growing to do. But they seem to help make me feel a little more comfortable with myself and we always had fun doing things together.



When I ran off to college and the things of my life, although still kept in contact with them, our relationship sort of distanted. Then they were living in Maryland when I was. They had the cutest cottage in WVA while he worked in Hagerstown. Then suddenly, without any warning and such haste, she left him for another man. I could remember feeling so heart broken. So afriad for both of them. Char and Carrie was already all grown, Char married with a baby and Carrie out and about with her own life. I tried to talk her out of leaving Neil. He is such a good and loving man. He had been good to her and she knew that. But for some reason, she had fallen out of love with him. I knew there probably something more to this, but it didn't matter to me. I felt suddenly this "family" I had was fallen apart and I could do nothing to fix it.



This happened about the time I was ready to get married and of course they were part of the wedding- or would be. But of course even my own engagement fell apart too, and the wedding didn't happen. I wanted so bad for them to stay togther-like a child not wanting parents to divoice and finding guilt and blame. Oh I knew I was not to blame...but still.



Today, I felt the pain again as I learned that Neil, whom I've kept in contact with over the years was ill with Pancreatic cancer. I could not find his number and prayed that he was ok...I needed to talk to him. It was something I needed to do. Marcia and I talked and she gave me his number. She told me what was going on. I still felt the pain of knowing a good friend was suffering. He is now 78 years old...and still works as an artist. His work is beautiful and I admire him for his passion. It is through him that I have learned to really appreciate art. He taught me alot about colors, and even in photography. He gave me one of his professional hassleblad cameras years ago that I used to enhance my photography work. He taught me to appreciate art and photography.



I'm sad to know he is ill, and may leave us. I pray God gives him the strength and hope for a better life. I pray that through this time, God be with him and his family during this tough time. But I know Neil - he will always find a way to make something beautiful out of this, if not in the life he lived, definitatly in his art.



Isn't it amazing how God puts people in our lives and we many not always understand or know why-but He surely finds ways to even teach us how to appreciate the little things. Not just the colorful flowers we ponder upon, but the amazing talent of art that gives us a message in the lines and colors. God's art work and gift to us are artist like Neil Meitzler.



I bow to him with graciousness and stand applauding for his wonderful accomplishments and the gifts, the talents that God has given him.

It just doesn't come soon enough...

I laid on my bed this morning, trying to wake up. I turned over and realized my radio was sitting there, reaching over I switched it on hoping to listen to something I can lay and enjoy, but the first few notes told me they were already playing Christmas music. I quickly switched it off. It's just to soon to listen to Christmas music for me. These holidays have become to commercialized and it really ruins the joy of the what the holiday is really about. I heard it again early this evening while driving on the road....but it clicked as I listened, there is something about hearing Christmas carols.

I can remember as a child what Christmas was about in our family. It was just not the gifts, but the joy and time together. Now as adults, and trying to bring in our own family tradition, I realized I have failed that with my son. But even he saw how the holidays have turned into something else. So on Christmas, Tim and I just treat it like a normal day, other than have the goods of the food. Nothing like a good turkey, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes or candy yams, mash potatoes with gravy, corn bread and of course for me, pumpkin pie! (Tim hates pies and I'm not sure why!)

Thanksgiving shouldn't be the one day of thankfulness...everyday should be. Yes, we have the joy of coming together and eat alot of good food- no doubt that is every one's favorite part of the day. But I'm afraid most people forget to be thankful for what they have and who they are with every day. Thanksgiving is a day to celebrate, it reminds us of our fathers who came to this country to give us freedom- freedom of values, of religion, of dignity, of hope....should I go on. I think we all know where I'm going here.

Christmas is not to far away from now...we all are most anxious for that day to come and it won't come soon enough. To most with small children, we will have the joy of watching our children excitedly open their gifts. It will bring back alot of memories for most of us. Days of our childhoods- happy moments.


At Christmas time, I think of my late grandmother, Rose. December 24 was her birthday and December 26 was her wedding anniversary. I remembered she told me once that she was cheated out - she only got one gift for the three days...not the three as she kept telling herself. I had to laugh. Anyone would think that. A gift for each day, her birthday, Christmas and then her wedding anniversary. On June 4, 1999 she passed away from pneumonia. We had her memorial service two weeks later. Many of her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, nieces, nephews and friends surrounded her little grave site to share their love and memories of her. She will be forever the patriarch of our family, even if she is gone.

Well...I'm going to sit back, enjoy my hot apple cider and reminisce my childhood Christmas memories...of my mother, my grandparents, my siblings...& with God.

College & physical Challenges

I actually got up earlier enough today to do some house cleaning. I had a goal of what needed to be done by noon. By the time I was done with the second room, I was so tired and in pain. My back and legs could not hold me up any further. The Arthritis is just getting worse. However, I did enjoy listening to my CD- music from the 80's! nothing memories of the old days! LOL

While at Tim's doctor appointment, I thought I would collapse. The pain in my lower back and hips was just unbearable. But I survived it...like always.

Tim's doctor was glad to see him...she is a joy to be with. She really likes Tim and really looks after him. She was pleased that he had gained alot more weight. She was concern of his left shoulder and the pain. She was also concern that he was quiting college due to his physical limitations. She encouraged him to go back next semsester if possible. I have encouraged him too, however I don't know how much I physically can handle it either. So I suggest that he try to keep his GPA up so he can still get Financial Aid if he should take online colllege classes.

I had a sleep study scheduled for today... the nightmares, the night terrors I beleive does cause the snoring...since I can hear myself snore and I notice when I do have the nightmares. I also have noticed at times when waking up that I can't catch my breath. But when I got there, they seem not to have me on their schedule. It seem to be a conflict since I was holding the papers they had mailed to me and there it was on the forms, for November 14. Apparently my scheduled test was cancelled and someone failed to tell me...since they failed to confirm the appointment. They claimed they called, only I was home all day and the phone never rang. I was gone only a few hours today, and there is nothing on my caller ID or voice mail. So....<>.

Tim is working on his Japaneese paper...at least I think he is. It is due on December 4 and it has to be at least 10 pages long. He is writing his paper on the Samauri. Even I am enjoying that class. I would love to go visit Japan. Someday.

Well...I need to go check my email, face book (again) and my other groups. I'll be back, but can't promise when....

I have had a thought that has come to mind...I would like to coinsider being a foster parent one day. However, despite my experience with special needs, I don't think I would do it again. I don't know. I guess it is something to pray about.

Not Now-Wait till later

"Not now...maybe later".... I heard this so many times in my life. And I wait till later and again, I hear the same "excuse". Its like later never comes and if it does, it is still swept under the carpet, like it is just not worthy or important enough for now.

Now. Now because tommarrow may never come. We don't know about our tomorrows, so what we can do in the present could be a privilege, special and it is important.

Life is often full of disappointments and discouragements, including little projects and big projects that we create to not only help motivate us to live on, but you know in the long run it can or will benefit many others. At least that is what I normally get involve with. I've tried to do projects (OK, not my scrapbook) that might benefit me, but I'm not really happy unless it is truly benefiting others. Its gives me the motivation, the joy, the excitement to live on...to move on.

For me, I may not have "later", when I have the present. Now is the time to feel motivated, the excitement and the joy. If I wait till later, I may no longer feel motivated or excited or the joy. It comes with my depression. So when I have something NOW to keep me out of my depression, then I refuse to accept the "Not now, wait till later."

I know in our busy lives, it seems that waiting for later is better than now. Oh I understand that totally. I can be the biggest procrastinator. But guess what? Its due to my procrastination that causes me to loose my motivation, my excitement and my joy in getting something important done.

Has anyone else felt this way? Procrastinate or take the big step and do it now! Are you a "not now, wait till later" or you like me at times and be spontaneous?

One simple question, what if you didn't have a tomorrow (or later), then what? How do you deal with this, if you do? Is it a coping skill you've learned to deal with? If so, what do yo do; if not, how do you deal with it? Are there any reqrets from the past that you "waited till later."

When there are to little 'Hello's"

I have been having confusing feelings. Not sure what I'm suppose to really think, feel or say. I think I've been setting myself up for a great disappointment- maybe desperately needing to be accepted.

Then after a year, today I saw something air on television that I didn't think would ever happen. A year ago, after Catherines death, I was on the local news about that accident and after the interview I had given the reporter a DVD from the PPMD Advocacy with Olympia Durkasis on it. I didn't think they would air it since they were the MDA Telethon and there seem to be a "conflict." I had to laugh. Who cares! Its all about Awareness. Its all about findng a cure for Muscular Dystrophy. But suddenly today, our voice was heard here in Gainesville by airing the PPMD Advocacy DVD. It was just sweet air to hear and see it. I could not help but jump with excitment. I had to call and write them to thank them!!! Thank you!!

However, I was still feeling stuck with something else. You see, I'm a family person. To me, family is important. Its the link to who we are, where we are from and its the support to our good and bad times, for each other. Its the times together that we can laugh with the happy times and stories, and the times we cry together when a love one is gone. Though I wonder how my family would really remember me if I should be "gone".

I feel my efforts of somehow keeping this family together - somehow keep & stay connected. I have thrown out ideas of family reunions, online connections and even video (internet) conference and so on seems to go on as useless. No one responses. Its like no one cares.

Over a year ago, I asked my siblings to send me recent photos of them and their family. Until this day, no one has responded. I even suggested to my siblings that we get together this Christmas and have it my dads. We have not done this since we were children. NO one has responded. I feel all my suggestions and ideas are just useless. Why do I keep doing this. Why do I keep making suggesions and persistent in having a reunion when no one wants to do it or care to do it. I never hear from my brother or my eldest sister. But I do make the effort to contact them.

For many years, since Tim's diagnosis, I've asked to help support by raising money for organizations like PPMD. and while there are some relatives who have cared to do it, I think after so many years they do get tired of giving. I think I can understand that. So I stopped the fund raisings. Even I got tired asking, even if I do want to save my son's life...I don't think anyone else cares to do so, inlcuding his father. It does get tiring, exhausting. Worrisome and wearisome. I get it.

So...you can see why I may feel the way I do. I'm afraid my little miracle of a family gathering won't be till someone dies. Sad as it may be that people make the effort to come say "good bye" to someone but they could not make the effort to come and say "hello."

When was the last time, you made the effort to go say "hello" to family member (s). Are you lucky enough to have family close enough to say alot of "hello's" that the good byes are terribly hard. Or are you like me, where there are few "hello's" and lot more "good-bye's"

So...(God forbid) if you should unfortnatley taken away from us in this world, how would you want your family (and friends ) to remember you?

I Want to go Home

As I was assisting my son with the adjustment of his wheel chair, my son suddenly blurted:

"I want to go home"

I looked at him strangely. He chuckled abit and looked up at me, "I don't know why I said that." He chuckled again.

" Are you wanting to go back to Sebring, or Orlando?" I asked him. He laughed again.
"No."

"so why are feeling like this?" I was curious.

"I'm not sure, I've been feeling like this for a long time." He replied. And the conversation ended there.

I thought it was interesting that suddenly Timothy felt he needed to go "home". To which neither of us understood why he felt this way. But then I got thinking, is Tim's body really deteriorating so much that maybe his home is someplace other than here on earth? Why did he feel the need to go home?

I think the way things are going on right now in this world, I think many of us are feeling the need to go home.

Is Tim feeling homesick? I know at times I feel homesick. Do you feel homesick at times too? Wanting to go home.

When you think, "I want to go home", what comes to your mind?

I have been helping Tim with alot of his class work due to his physical limitations. He has a 8 page paper to write on the Samarai. We have watched the movie, "Twilight Samaurai" and now having to find the resources. I found it interesting that these men are so high skilled trained to be warriors but lived poorly. In this movie, he chooses to fight over to kill a man, and not with a sword but a bamboo sword...only because of his morals and values. But when he returns home, he finds a treasure he could not resist and kept till the day of his death.

My son wants to go home....I just wish I knew for sure where that is...& when he will leave. I hope soon he will realize that he is already home.

TGIF

So lately, I have been in so much pain. My low back, hips and downward. Sometimes just to painful to get up from the chair or the sofa. I just can't take it anymore. It worries me, because at times, its to painful to lift Tim- or to move him, adjust him in his chair. So I just sigh for now and pray that God gives me some kind of answer? Ok...there is Advile...or Aleve. I can take something stronger maybe. But lately, I've been having problems swollowing. Even pills. Often liquids. And my stomach is just....ugh! (LOL) I feel I'm just getting old.

Today I got a packege in the mail. I had been waiting for this packege for a year now. Yes, a year. Last summer (2007) I hosted my High school homecoming in Chattanooga and many, of course, took pictures and video. Its finally done. 3.5 hours of photos and video of our reunion. ITs nice to see faces and hear people having a wonderful time. I hope my fellow classmates/alumni enjoy their DVD's when they receive them. Beleive it or not-me, the person who loves to take pictures and video- hardly did any. Seriously. No...I'm sorry...Crazy!!!! Me?! the so call photographer. I guess I was to busy putting events together I just didn't have time.

This evening, I found several College friends on Facebook...some whom I went to Academy with. Some I knew from church when I lived in Maryland. Some I just remember doing fun thngs at College. Isn't it nice to reconnect. I even ran into one gal I never met only knew by penpal but we both had a crush on the same guy. OMG! this is 30 years later and we reconnected...on Facebook.

Well...nothing new with Tim. He is hungry...so I'm going to order some Chineese food. Anyone want some?

Memories of November 5

I can't beleive it already has been a year. The last year has gone by quickly-perhaps to quickly. A year ago today- was a very sad day. It had traumatized me-but problably not as much as it traumatized many others, including Ken.

I never met him before. But early Monday morning, we drove side by side on 34th street in Gainesville. He was on his way to work, and I was on my way to an english class that Tim was attending at UF. He was in the inner lane and I was in the middle lane of a six lane road. Both, heading the same direction-north. I was driving fast- I needed to get into the right lane to make a right turn that was soon coming up, but that car would not let me in.

Then suddenly.... out of the blue, there she was. I don't know where she came from. But she was jogging across the road, in the walkway, with her ipod on loudly. Somehow, and I still not sure how it happened, but my van stopped right in front of her. The light was still green, there was early morning traffic and I had suddenly stopped in the middle of the road. only inches from her. She looked at me and I was pointing at the light-she turned to look and then looked at me again and continued to jog...I had only moved inches when suddenly I heard a loud boom and saw her body fly into the air-like a rag doll, thrown 30-40 feet over Radio road and fallen right back into my lane.

I remember screaming, yelling, swearing. I had quickly stopped my van and jumped out and ran to her. Her limp body laid there, her lips blue, and slowly blood pouring out of her head. I had given my cell phone to another young lady who was talking to 911. The man who was behind me, was also on 911. The car that hit her was damaged badly and had stopped by had driven onto the southbound lane and stopped in the left turn lane. He came out and was shaking. He had not known what happened. I jumped up and ran to him to check to see if he was ok...and gave him a hug.

I was in pain from running back to my van for a sheet to help hold the blood in without moving her head. I kept talking to her, we all did. I could not believe what had happened. Somehow, I don't know why, we missed from hitting her but the car next to me was not so lucky. She ran right into him. He didn't see her. He didn't knwo why I had stopped at a green light.

I knew she was already gone by the way EMS picked her up and put her on the back board. Even the gal who was on 911 with my phone, a nursing student could tell something was terribly wrong. I learned later by the police that they knew from the beginning from when they arrived and saw her that she already gone. But she was an organ donor-so they had to keep her alive and try to save her. That they try to do.

I learned her name the next day, after she passed away. Her name was Catherine. I learned more about her by reading newspaper articles and coming in contact with friends...and later with family.

After her death, I had not been able to contact Ken. He had isolate himself, with guilt and grief. I understand that...but we learned later, it was NOT his fault. Investigations showed she ran into him, not him into her. He did not see her-how could he. He didn't even know why I had stopped. He couldn't see. But she saw where she was, and has her dad said, she could had walked back but she chose to move forward. I felt so bad for him. But for some reason, I still lived with guilt. How was it possible that at the last seconds, I was able to stop and not hit her? I had been in dismay about this. Had her guardian angel-or mine stopped by van?

Due to her death, many of her tissues and organs were donated to many, including a heart to a 13 year old boy.

I had written a poem- "I think I got it, God"....her uncle thought it was appropiate and very precise...but I think it helped explain that day for me.


I Think I Got it God
by Dee Bird

It was just an ordinary Monday, an early sunny morning
God had a special plan for a young lady and a middle age man
lives will be affected by the impact of one special soul
little did we know what God knew, broken hearts He will heal in time
lessons for others to learn from a sudden tragedy
Strangers, friends and family will learn together-and bring hope to a community
I think I got it, God you needed one soul to save another.
Why God did you put her in my life at that one moment - a stranger so dear
I didn't know her - only by her last look into my eyes
I m not sure why she stopped in front of my car - pretty lady
I dont understand why God stopped my car & not his to save her soul.
I just don't get that, God! Is it a lesson you speak for me, tof he middle age man too
Maybe the strangers in the community, maybe her family and friends too
Tell us o Mighty One, what do you speak of to teach us from this tragedy?
I think I got it God. you needed to bring her community together.
In his plan, God knew what this day will mean
Although we may not understand His plan,
do we dare ask Him why he chose her and not another
While her soul hung a little while longer, their sweet whispers she heard.
But when God took her to his heavenly home, she shared a gift to many.
While one family mourned the loss of their child, a miracle gave joy to another
Like her friends and family, although a stranger to me, we wept
Grieving for the stranger, I live with guilt -
Grieving for a family- only strangers, I mourned .
I think I got it God, you must sacrifice one soul to bring a miracle for another
A stranger I knew not, but a story of another, a newspaper, a website
Her friends, family, classmates and strangers shared how she gave them joy
The black ink helped me realize, she no longer was a stranger, but an angel
Her sweet friend, her pastor, their prayers gave more light
Her sudden death brought thousands together-only to discover
they are no longer strangers- but her family too.
Little does her family know, it took a tragedy to realize they had raised a hero.
I think I got it God...you needed a hero to guide another soul to You.


I'm sad today...because of a memory that still terrorizes me of that fateful day every day-the nightmares, the flashbacks...and what doesn't help is the investigators from insurance companies, etc.. keeps calling and asking questions. Its something I wanted to forget-and couldn't.

So today, I had found myself sleeping most of the day...& crying.

I want to forget, but they say, that won't ever happen.

The People has Spoken!

I could not help but sit here and cry...tears full of joy. Salvation has fallen on our laps rather than damnatioin. History now stands before us, as we live in a diverse country, a new fresh man stands before us to make changes. Changes that I know we hate to do, but what we need so much in this country. Yes-we can...change!

Barack Obama has been elected as our President...as of this moment he has over 300 electrols- over the 270 to win as President. The Democrat senate has won over the majority with over 56 with only needing 51. This is has proven that God is watching over this country and will for sure bless it more so in the years to come.

Obama has won states, Florida, Pennsylvania, Ohio Virginia and New York . States that put their trust and faith in President-elect Obama instead of the Republicans. We have won!!! We have WON!! This has proven that our people have spoken-voiced that we do need a change. They are tired of what has happened the last eight (8) years. We are opening windows and doors- we are making the necessary change!

Please don't boo this blog...as this is a GREAT VICTORY. History stands in front of us- for now our country will go forward...& postitively! Whether you support Obama or not, know that you will see what God has given us-a gift...hope....faith. Whether we agree or not, know that no matter what, we stand UNITED under God!!!!

It is clear now this made him a winner! This made all of us winners! I'm so excited...I can't stop dancing on my chair...& table!

John McCain: His speech was very moving and I feel his sincerity. I hear there is a chance he may still work with President Elect Obama as well. President-elect Obama is a diverse man-including when it comes to politics.

We may not always agree on the same views- but I beleive that Obama is often misunderstood and more often rumours and gossip mislead alot of people.

President-Elect is a diversed man. We live in a diverse country. We ALL are immigrants from some country beyond. We all brought our faiths with us, whatever it may be. This country is still a Christian country-but we also have many who have faiths of all types. It does not make us less of a Christian country. So yes, our country does need prayers, and more then ever. Not because who is elected as President, but because we need healing, we need recovery, we need change, we need growth, we need God's blessing for each home, for each family including those who live in the White House.

This country and the world has spoken-they have voiced their opinons and feelings and in my own opinion, God has heard us. This is good. Something good and positive will happen.

As I said, we may not always agree on everything, your opinion and views are heard and respected. Your voice still counts!

I'm sorry that McCain did not win...but maybe because God knows something that we don't. So we just have to keep our trust and faith in God to lead this country in the right direction. If He thought McCain would be a good leader, I beleive McCain would had won. But the polls tells us, McCain was not the answer right now. Maybe someday later in the future, but right now, God is still in control.


I fall to my knees...thank you Lord!!!

Three Straws and a popcicle stick

How about creating the 12 days of christmas on this topic. I'm sure as creative as we all are, we can come up with something very funny - about straws and a stick. LOL

I was brushing my hair this morning, getting ready to leave the house to go see CJ. I was anxious to hear about her cruis trip, when my feet felt somthing bumpy on the floor, under the carpet. I was curious to what it might be, but figured what it may be. I pulled the throw rug up and to my serprise there laid three straws and a popcicle stick. Now I know I did not do it, and for sure Tim did not do it, so the only guilty one would be Baby. Baby our cat.

Baby our cat has a thing with straws....& popcicle sticks. It seems she is not content with the toys we bought her. Of course not!!! She has to be adventous, mischief and curious about all sort of things she finds. For a while she has been playing under Tim's desk. For a while it looked like she was chewing on the caples. But then I discovered she found the box of straws that fell back there that I could not reach. Ah-Ha!!! Her favorites, the straws.

Now if you could see Baby play with the straws. It is so cute and so funny. She really puts her energy, time and excitement into those little suckers. And then to make sure they don't get thrown away- she hides them...under the carpet. Now how intelligent is that.

Now, you probably ask what does the popcicle sticks has anything to do with it, right? LOL, so am I. Its something new that she has added to her toy hide away.

While I was glad to see CJ back from her trip, when I saw her at her office, our conversations didn't go to the trip, but to some old memories that suddenly popping up...some mystery memories. We, of course, tried to discuss it.

Its only one more day and then all this campaign will be over. In 24 hours, we will know who will be our next president. It will either damnation or salvation.

Well...Tim has a paper due tommarrow and I need to write out some checks for those bills; and he has an exam too (yes, again!)

Tommarrow!!

Small Lessons of Life....

I had "promised" that I would write about the tire that was locked to the bike rack that I found at UF Wiemar Journalism buiding. Unfortunatley, the picture from my cell phone wasn't save (part of my ignorance). It's ok...I'm sure everyone has a vivid imagination.

Close your eyes, do you see a long bike rack with lots of bikes locked to it. Now...suddenly do you see just a tire..laying on the ground but locked to the bike rack? A nice and looke new tire. Just laying there...bound to a rack like a prisoner. Are you wondering where the rest of the bike ran off to? I know I am. Was it stolen? Did the owner loose his key and took the bike but left the tire behind?

I just thought when I saw that tire there, just laying there by itself-locked up alone; something was just odd about it. Of course, Tim thought I was just being weird. He told me I always find the wierdest things to think of "lessons of life". Well, maybe I do. But you know what, in all that we do, or where we are at...you will find lessons in it. After all, life is full of daily school lessons. We never stop learning. Right?!

Often we are addicted to the things of life that often locks us up. We are afraid to let go of those things or memories. Parts of us may move on, leave and go to other places, while there are other parts of us that just hangs on. Protest. Lock ourselves up in things that may not get us anywhere. Our minds may spin, round and round...but it can also be stuck ..left behind...holding on. We often become "prisoners" to those things or to those memories.

Are you like this? I know I am. So....what are we going to do to find that key, so we can go on that merry way....find the bike it belongs to and move faster to better things...better memories? Are we willing to unlock the chain....or do we choose to stay locked up as prisoners to the past?

I think I can go to much more places and faster if I have two wheels on my bike, than one (1). Don't you think? What is your thought on this? Perhaps you have a lesson you found it it too...let us hear it.


This morning, an elderly couple that I met at the Fair yesterday delivered my Culligan water-the cooler, the 3 five gallons of water, a case of bottle water and a cute cloth case to cover the water. I had found a great deal to have some cold spring water constantly. The 3 five gallons were free, so was the case of bottle of water. The rental of the cooler is only $1/month. The five gallon of water will be monthly only for $5.00. So basically, I'll only be paying $6.50 a month . Its surely cheaper than the bottle waters I've been purchasing ($5.99/case) and that last less then a week and tasted horribly. The water flter ...well that didn't last long either.

Water was delivered to me....water. I knew something good had to come out of this. It meant more to me then just satisfying my thirst. I knew it had a much meaningful lesson. God often uses nature to teach us lessons of life. He has known that I have been thirsty for a better life- good health, good friends and family. And today, He delivered the message to me...reminding me that there is still hope, love and faith....but the greatest part of it, He wanted to remind me that He still loves me....unconditionally....despite who I am, or where I come from, or what I've become. And he reminded me...as long as I accept this, I shall thirst no more.

Water- the gift of life.

...and She sings...

It really had been a real nice day. No rain, not to hot, not to cold. I decided I was going to go and just have fun. Tim was undecided, so he chose to sleep in. I left him the tv remotes, his cell phone and peace n' quiet. I packed up my cameras, some extra clothes and headed out to the Levy County Fair.

My dear friend, Karen whom I met at Gainesville Mom's.com is singing today at the fair. She is part of a singing contest. I've heard her sing before and knew she could sing well....well actually good or better than that...Awesome!!! So I wanted to go hear her sing some more and record it. She had just had a CD made, was about ready to start marketing and selling it. Mostly gospel music, but it didn't matter, her talent was beyond words.

I ran a little late because I had no cash on me. So I had to find a bank and get cash. Fortunately, when I arrived, they were just starting, even if I was 20 minutes late. Actually I was there on time, just to find a bank is what ate up my precious time. Karen was #3 to get up and sing. The ladies before her we doing good...and I knew this was going to be a tough competition. Her best friend and partner for their ministry was #20. I wanted to hear her sing too. Just as Karen was getting up to sing, my cell phone rang. I thought it would be Tim, but instead it was my sister, Jeanette. I told her I would call her back. As Karen sang, I video tapped it and took some shots. She was doing good. I kept whispering a prayer for her. But she did good! really good in my eyes.



Right before I had left to the county fair, I had checked my email. I had recieved an email from an old friend that I had not seen for over 25 years. He had sent me a track that he had recorded. He was pretty good and I loved the song he sang.



But now it was Karen's turn to sing...and when she finished, she deligently sat back down next to her family. I walked around a bit, got my hearing and vision checked. Tasted the BBQ hot dogs and sausage and went back to the tent. Her friend (sorry forgot name) still had not sang yet, they were only on #9 when Tim called. I was disappointed that I didn't get to hear her sing. I hope to one day, if not, at least the Cd.


Tommarrow, she sings at the fair again, but gospel music this time. I wish I can go back to hear her sing some more. But there is still much to do in helping Tim finish his class projects.

*** Karen won first place for the gospel songs on Sunday!!! Yeah!!!!! She did it! ***

Besides....CJ is suppose to be back from her Cruise...I want to hear all about it!