Survivors

Survivor. It's a CBS show that I have watched the last 8 seasons. I can remember when it first came on back in 2000. I had just moved into a new town, started a new job and Tim was starting a new school. I was not into Survivor when it first came on...but my fellow workers were. They talked about it every week. You would think I would jump in and just watch the show...eventually I did towards the end; and that is what got me addicted.

I just finished watching the fnale of Coban where they played the game in Africa; and it was one of the best seasons I've watched. The person who I felt should win, did win. He also won as the most best player of the show. A whopping total of $1,100, 000. A physics teacher from the little town in Maine. It proves to you that no matter who plays the game has to have a good stragedy to win the game.

If it was not for my health, I would play the game, as I am so eager to play also Amazing Race, another great reality show. Both shows has your challenge yourself mental, physical and emotional. A lot of physical challenges to get to the end to win the game.

Tim faces his challenges everyday with his disability. His greatest is getting over the final exams and he is challenging himself by not studying for those exams. My challenge is to positively encourag him .... to study those exams to keep his GPA up. Even if right now he does not care. Physically and emotionally he is just to tired and does not want to deal with it. Part of me understand that. However, in a year or two or more, I don't want him to regret that he didn't do his best when he should decide to go back to college. I know he is intelligent, he knows it too. But I guess he is at the point that he feels physcially he just can't do it anymore.

And that scares me. It scares me because I feel he is really giving up on life. I don't if it was due to my own poor health-my exhausation of being his only caregiver or if he feels the disease is winning this battle, no matter how much he (and I) have fought for his own survivor. It scares me because (God forbid) I am afraid he will die sooner than he wants to muchless I think. I had been a big advocate on prolong life due to proper treatment and care and I pray that I have pratice what has been provided to me for him. I know God placed him in my life for a reason and why my "purpose" has been the last 19 or so years. But I don't know if I can "survive" his death. His father has not been there for him muchless for me. His father is a coward. Ran when he heard of the diagnosis...and continues to run like a coward. He had ever oppotunity to be this boy's father and he chose not to. But yet he preaches to his nieces and nephews about "success" when he can't be a successful father. He is souless. Clueless. Guitless. Heartless. Shameless. A two-face. He preaches but he does not practice what he preaches.

But in this world that we live today, we all are survivors. We all face different challenges in our lives. Whether it be physical, mental, spiritually or even emotionally. But it is through this "amazing race" that we face through our journey that helps us to become survivors. It is through the faith, the trust, the strength from God that pulls us through.

Are you a surivor? What "amazing race" have you won to succeed in life?