When there are to little 'Hello's"

I have been having confusing feelings. Not sure what I'm suppose to really think, feel or say. I think I've been setting myself up for a great disappointment- maybe desperately needing to be accepted.

Then after a year, today I saw something air on television that I didn't think would ever happen. A year ago, after Catherines death, I was on the local news about that accident and after the interview I had given the reporter a DVD from the PPMD Advocacy with Olympia Durkasis on it. I didn't think they would air it since they were the MDA Telethon and there seem to be a "conflict." I had to laugh. Who cares! Its all about Awareness. Its all about findng a cure for Muscular Dystrophy. But suddenly today, our voice was heard here in Gainesville by airing the PPMD Advocacy DVD. It was just sweet air to hear and see it. I could not help but jump with excitment. I had to call and write them to thank them!!! Thank you!!

However, I was still feeling stuck with something else. You see, I'm a family person. To me, family is important. Its the link to who we are, where we are from and its the support to our good and bad times, for each other. Its the times together that we can laugh with the happy times and stories, and the times we cry together when a love one is gone. Though I wonder how my family would really remember me if I should be "gone".

I feel my efforts of somehow keeping this family together - somehow keep & stay connected. I have thrown out ideas of family reunions, online connections and even video (internet) conference and so on seems to go on as useless. No one responses. Its like no one cares.

Over a year ago, I asked my siblings to send me recent photos of them and their family. Until this day, no one has responded. I even suggested to my siblings that we get together this Christmas and have it my dads. We have not done this since we were children. NO one has responded. I feel all my suggestions and ideas are just useless. Why do I keep doing this. Why do I keep making suggesions and persistent in having a reunion when no one wants to do it or care to do it. I never hear from my brother or my eldest sister. But I do make the effort to contact them.

For many years, since Tim's diagnosis, I've asked to help support by raising money for organizations like PPMD. and while there are some relatives who have cared to do it, I think after so many years they do get tired of giving. I think I can understand that. So I stopped the fund raisings. Even I got tired asking, even if I do want to save my son's life...I don't think anyone else cares to do so, inlcuding his father. It does get tiring, exhausting. Worrisome and wearisome. I get it.

So...you can see why I may feel the way I do. I'm afraid my little miracle of a family gathering won't be till someone dies. Sad as it may be that people make the effort to come say "good bye" to someone but they could not make the effort to come and say "hello."

When was the last time, you made the effort to go say "hello" to family member (s). Are you lucky enough to have family close enough to say alot of "hello's" that the good byes are terribly hard. Or are you like me, where there are few "hello's" and lot more "good-bye's"

So...(God forbid) if you should unfortnatley taken away from us in this world, how would you want your family (and friends ) to remember you?