Wednesday, December 31, 2008

End of one Journey

So...it is now less than 90 minutes before it is officially 2009.

I quickly went up to Gainesville today to check on the cat and to make sure the rent was paid. She seem to be happy I was there. I played with her for a bit. She serprised me when I found her actually sleeping in HER basket/bed. Yes!! like it is about time girl! I just hope she remembers that it is HER bed and not her litter box! (LOL) Yes, I have caught her using it as her litter box. She can be smart but at other times, I wonder about her.

My sister tried to fix a daqauri today but, trust me it was disguesting. Number 1-she didn't mix it correctly; #2 -she failed to use crush ice; #3 it had NO rum or vodka in it. and #4 she mixed a mojita with a daqauri. <<<>>> thank God for Samuel Adams! Although my nephew wants me to try a new beer call "Blue Moon." never heard of it but he say's it really good with some fresh orange in it.

Speaking of oranges...while I was heading back to Gainesville for the 1 hour (4 hours round trip)...I stopped off at the rest area on the turnpike. Strawberries. Big plunk juicy strawberries. Not this little punnie green stuff. Huge delicious strawberries. I bought a whole flat ($18). When I got back into Orlando, I washed, cut and sweetened them. At least whatever is left of it. OMG!!! It was soooooooooo good!!! Where is my whip cream when I need it?! Or vanilla ice cream. I also picked up a bag of oranges and grapefruits.

So, this is the final chapter of this book- college mom's cafe/blog. It's a new year, a new book, a new chapter...a new journey. A new Mom's journey. Tim's life at college has ended...I'm no longer that "college mom." Maybe new life experiences will teach me (as I share them) some valuable lessons. Maybe my new year's resolution should be about the goals in changes and as I suceed in those changes...accomplishments- I can gladly share them.

So tonight, as we come to the end of the day. Sun has set, stars are shining....the moon is glowing and this chapter has ended, the book is closing, one journey has ended and another new journey has begun.

Happy New Year!!!

The End!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Last Minute catch up....

We are quickly approaching 2009. It doesn't seem like we are now (9) nine years into the new millinum. Where has the last nine (9) years gone. Time just flies by to fast. Makes me a year older...when I rather be a year younger, know what I mean?

I know it has been a while (ok about a week) since I've been on. Last week I was in so much pain with my right hand, I couldn't even hold anything, or make a fist much less try to type with it. It was hurting yesterday,but today it feels "normal" (ok...whatever that is!). So before this year ends, I wanted to make sure I put in my "last words" for this blog.

I am in the Orlando area for six (6) weeks for something I really needed to do for myself. I am also going to help my sister. It is now tax season and her business is growing rapidly, so I'll be helping her for a bit.

Christmas...well. It didn't turn out the way i wanted it to be. I was in a lot of pain. I couldn't cook and it got so bad that I ended up in the ER. Because I was feeling sick as it is and then for my right hand to become so painful, we didn't even put up a tree. And for Christmas dinner, KFC. Yes, you heard right. KFC-Kentucky Fried Chicken with some cole slaw and bisquits. Fancy dinner...it was good even if it was not what I had planned I wanted ham, stew cabbage and some good ole fashion vegetables with black eye peas. Yeah I heard that is a New Year 's ever tradition, but I was to hungry for it now then later.

Well...last week, curious about "Sweetie" the kitten I took to the shelter to hopefully find its rightful owner, and if not, to be adopted out...died. She had the feline luekemia. Now it really worries me that my cat, Baby might have it since I heard it can be transferrable. I should take her in to be tested, but the last time (2) I took a cat in, guess what? They had it and was put down to sleep. I can't bare for that to happen again. So I've been watching her, see how she is doing and what is she doing. Right now, she is acting like sweet spoil self! (LOL). I'm praying that God will protect her from this disease. She is such a good sweet cat...my baby.

Tim is doing good...so far. Glad the semester is over....me too! It really exhausted us. I'm proud of his final grades! He passed! Yes!! Finished with a GPA of 3.11....and what seem to be not over exerting himself. (LOL) He proved me wrong. He really was pulling my leg (even if he says he was not).

Well I need to get going. My white chariot will arrive soon. I will be back before midnight strikes in the new year tommarrow. I know I had something in mind to share, but right now my brain is clouded with weariness. I guess it is the 40ish thing. It's hard to beleive in 2 weeks I'll be this "miseble old maid" (LOL) hitting 48 and coming to the end of a stretch of my 40's and perhaps fastly approaching my 50's. YUCK!! (I was going to say, there goes my love life!).

Adios...for now.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

End of College days

Have you been anxious to get your hands on something and no matter how patient you tried to be, you still feel the sweat in your hands, you pace the floors, you try to sit down but can't for long. You know that feeling right?

Well....for the last several days I have been waiting for Tim's UF grades to show up. It's like, "come on!!" It's the 23rd now...and it does say "late" but how late are they talking about. It's now about 10pm and still there is nothing! So do I have to wait till 1 am? Hell No!!! I might as well wait till sunrise than, you know?!

It seems hard to beleive that his college days are over for now. I am hoping to encourage him to go back at least to the community college or the online classes, if all possible. But he seems to given up.

It's less than two days before Christmas. I did some food shopping but we didn't have enough to do some really xmas shopping. I would like to get him something for Christmas since he is unable to eat real food. It's confusing, ya know? Maybe I'll get him a gift card so he can go get what he wants. He is still waiting for his christmas gift from his dad...and a DVD from Netflix.

The last few days I've been suffering what seems to be a cold...or allergies. Miseble. Then I got a call from CJ. She too has been sick with this. I had to laugh since this is not the first time this has happened. Then today she called me to come in to see her at her office. I needed to go over anyhow to take care another issue. I brought her christmas gift...a little Tiki water hometherapy.

Today, I've been suffering from arthristis in my right hand. No matter what I have tried to do, I can't ease the pain. It's painful to make a fist.

Tommarrow, I'm taking Tim to withdraw from the college. Then perhaps take him to Walmart to see if he wants anything for Christmas. Then I need to go home and clean house. Thursday, I wan to cook some ham, cabbage, black eye peas with vegetables. Maybe whiz some of it up and give it to Tim for his g-tube. That is the plan..for now.

Hopefully by tommarrow, we may also have a serprise for you. God willing!

Hope everyone has a safe & Happy Holidays!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A Celebration

It's the Saturday before Christmas. Only five (5) more days until Christmas is here. Many families will be gathered and celebrating the holiday together. There will be gift exhanges, eggnog served along with all the dinner fixings of turkey, or ham with stuffing and the delicious side dishes. We, of course, can't forget the delicious desserts that most serve, either the apple or pumpkin, maybe the pecan pie. Of course I'm sure there will be brownies, cookies and little candy canes.

It is also where many families who are struggling financially will either be in a shelter or just spending the day together perhaps with no Christmas dinner and gifts. Some to no choice, while others due to the financial crises our country is dealing with, stock loss or other means, including loosing their jobs.





While Christmas is a day we celebrate the birth of Jesus, it should be a day also to be thankful for each other and the moment of graciously reuniting. Many families won't have that opportunity to reunite with loveones. Some will be mourning the loss of a love one, young and old. There are many who don't beleive in Jesus, while there are many who don't believe in the holiday itself.

When I listen to the Christmas music, it reminds me of my younger days. Times often with family on this holiday and the many times spent alone. There is something about the songs we listened to...it does put you into the Christmas spirit. It gives you a sense of joy, hope and even praise. It also gives you a time to sit back and relax with a hot cup of cocoa...or tea. It gives you a sense of thankfulness, appreciation, acceptance and excitement. It also gives you a sense of respectfulness for "holiness," reverence, a sanctuary.

This year I had hope to have my family gathered together for this holiday...and when it was suggested last year, none of my siblings responded. It was like no one wanted to spend time together...at a time when we needed to be together. I have yet to meet my new sister-in -law and her son. But seeing that my siblings and I are guilty of "hating" our father (well hate is a strong word) -can't stand being with him, I think that even the idea being with him made us all sick. Don't get me wrong...its just my dad can be very argumentive, insulting and still emotionally abusive. I don't think anyone is up to that for the holidays. Of course at the time of suggestion for the gathering, gas prices were outragious too.

In the past, I had put together alot of reunions, including my family; but for some reason I can't put together my immediate family. It not only scares me that they don't want to spend time together while we all are still alive, but the fear that they will have the same attitude when we die. So its like there are no "hello's" much less any "good-byes"...ya know? (LOL) Its pathetic!

This year, Tim and I will again spend Christmas alone. I will put up our little tree and deocrate it even if he does not care for it. I just don't know if this is his last Christmas or not. But I will do my best to make sure he enjoys something of it. Because it needs to be a memory for both of us, if there are no money for the Christmas dinner or gifts. It will be a happy and celebrating family of our own.

I hope this year, that you and your family remember to not only say "hello" that you remember the "good-byes" too. Be thankful for each other. Talk about the good ole days and laugh with it. It will everyone's memory-a good & happy memory. It will be a day to remember, the day Jesus was born. A celebration for all.

Friday, December 19, 2008

"The Poster boy"

There is a poster that hangs on my bedroom door. When you close the door, it hangs there...and then if you are single like me (or even if your married)...you start to drool. Yes. He is a very hot guy, in his blue jeans, shirtless, sexy body. But then it reads this:

"I don't ask for much in a man. He only has to be tall, rich, funny, sexy, single, strong, good-looking, smart, romantic, charming, warm, sweet, sesitive, clever, athletic, kind, generous, punctural, sincere, and of course he as to be willing to feed me ice cream in bed every night for the rest of my life."

Of course, I have to smile when I look at the poster and laugh after reading the recommendations of a man. You can't help but dream for a man like that...and rarely would you find a man like that and if you do, you better hang on to him with a leash. In these days, its not easy finding a good man to love and who can love you back, unconditionally and always, no matter what.

I guess I can dream...seeing that I've been single all my life. A choice I made since I've been in bad relations and of course my fear is to find someone who is as bad as my dad. Maybe that is one thing I lack my faith and trust in and where the fear seems to take over. I know I need to "snap out of it" when it comes to that. LOL... I do. however, at this time of my life, as much I would love to be in a romantic relationship, I can't. Tim does take alot of attention out of me. I have a very liitle social life-if any. My best friend moved back to Texas so I don't go out as much and when I do, it was with the Gainesville Mom's. I don't think I've dated since the last 80's.

Oh I know... that is sad! It's actually pathetic! So maybe for 2009 I make some changes and take the risk? I just don't know where to start. church? clubs? grocery stores? library? social parties? maybe first what I really need is a REAL makeover. That I know I need. No disbute, no doubt, no argument there.

So...will I ever find my "dream" man? Who will I find along my journey this next year, or will I? Maybe after the "makeover" I should again put my faith and trust in the Guy above and maybe by miracle, he will be standing there...all along he had been waiting for me.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Survivors

Survivor. It's a CBS show that I have watched the last 8 seasons. I can remember when it first came on back in 2000. I had just moved into a new town, started a new job and Tim was starting a new school. I was not into Survivor when it first came on...but my fellow workers were. They talked about it every week. You would think I would jump in and just watch the show...eventually I did towards the end; and that is what got me addicted.

I just finished watching the fnale of Coban where they played the game in Africa; and it was one of the best seasons I've watched. The person who I felt should win, did win. He also won as the most best player of the show. A whopping total of $1,100, 000. A physics teacher from the little town in Maine. It proves to you that no matter who plays the game has to have a good stragedy to win the game.

If it was not for my health, I would play the game, as I am so eager to play also Amazing Race, another great reality show. Both shows has your challenge yourself mental, physical and emotional. A lot of physical challenges to get to the end to win the game.

Tim faces his challenges everyday with his disability. His greatest is getting over the final exams and he is challenging himself by not studying for those exams. My challenge is to positively encourag him .... to study those exams to keep his GPA up. Even if right now he does not care. Physically and emotionally he is just to tired and does not want to deal with it. Part of me understand that. However, in a year or two or more, I don't want him to regret that he didn't do his best when he should decide to go back to college. I know he is intelligent, he knows it too. But I guess he is at the point that he feels physcially he just can't do it anymore.

And that scares me. It scares me because I feel he is really giving up on life. I don't if it was due to my own poor health-my exhausation of being his only caregiver or if he feels the disease is winning this battle, no matter how much he (and I) have fought for his own survivor. It scares me because (God forbid) I am afraid he will die sooner than he wants to muchless I think. I had been a big advocate on prolong life due to proper treatment and care and I pray that I have pratice what has been provided to me for him. I know God placed him in my life for a reason and why my "purpose" has been the last 19 or so years. But I don't know if I can "survive" his death. His father has not been there for him muchless for me. His father is a coward. Ran when he heard of the diagnosis...and continues to run like a coward. He had ever oppotunity to be this boy's father and he chose not to. But yet he preaches to his nieces and nephews about "success" when he can't be a successful father. He is souless. Clueless. Guitless. Heartless. Shameless. A two-face. He preaches but he does not practice what he preaches.

But in this world that we live today, we all are survivors. We all face different challenges in our lives. Whether it be physical, mental, spiritually or even emotionally. But it is through this "amazing race" that we face through our journey that helps us to become survivors. It is through the faith, the trust, the strength from God that pulls us through.

Are you a surivor? What "amazing race" have you won to succeed in life?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A College Memory

I have searched for hours. I suddenly had the urge that I needed to find her. She was a college friend that I became close to. We did a lot of crazy things together while at Southern College. I knew she had lived in the Cayman Islands, but there were no guarantees that she was still there- after all it had been since 1984 since I saw her last.

I was going crazy not being able to find that address book that had her last address and phone number. Ten years ago I tried to come in touch with her and it was briefly. But then we lost touch again. Probably my fault. But lately, I had been thinking of her alot...maybe because whenever I hear something about the Caymen Islands I automatically think of her. I've always wanted to go down there, mostly to see her not just visit the Carribbean island but to visit with her. I knew once we sat down that all those memories will flash up and we would remember all the stupid but yet fun things we did in college.

We had attended a private SDA college in Tennessee. It has it ups and downs...its advantages and disadvantages, ya know? So due to that we learned to be creative with our journey in college. Like the big bulky car she bought and lugged around town. Or the apartment she rented for the "insane" boyfirend she had (but he was so cute and so nice!!) or when she tried to set me up with her brother as a "nanny" for his kids. Or how would sneak in Lin into her dorm room and hide him in her closet. LOL yes! we learned to have fun and tried to be as adventous as we can without being caught.

But now I needed to find her. I don't really know why. I just wanted to talk with her again and laugh with her again. I searched the internet. I searched and searched for hours. If I could just remember her mom's address (I remembered part of it) or her brothers name. I tried searching her by her maiden name-there were like hundreds of them. I laughed and wondered if they were all related. I went into different websites trying to find anything that may link me to her...somehow.

Then I found her in one site and from there, I found her at another website. I think I had found her. It was not 100% guranteed, but I believed I had found her. So I sat there and emailed her...hoping this was still her email. But I took the chance and emailed her.

Then this morning, I opened my email and there she was. She had replied to me and it was her! It was her!! I was so excited! I couldn't beleive it, I had found her! Cherry Delight was a name I would never forget. Not just her name, but who she is. I was thankful that she was still alive and well (hey they did have alot of hurricanes down there where many parished). We emailed each other for a few hours.

Then...tonight we talked on the phone. We talked for at least 30 minutes (hey international fares are not cheap!). I was excited that we had finally reconnected. IT was a good feeling to not only reconect with her but to know that she was doing good, she is happy and enjoying life even if she is NOT doing what she graduated with-a biologist. But hey, she is happy with her life, whose complaining!.

thank god for the new technology...without the internet, I might have never found her. and without the internet, she may have not been able to call me (she used through the internet).
I can't wait till the day when I can finally see her again.

It will be a joy...it is going to be fun...it is going to be Awesome!

Thank you Lord for the gift of friends!